Our days as a family of three are numbered. I am going in early Sunday morning to be induced with baby #2. We are so excited and extremely nervous. It’s been nearly 4 years since I had Ramona. Our lives have changed drastically more than we could have ever anticipated. Obviously for the better. Ramona is our world.
After Nick installed the car seat, he came in and proclaimed that at 28 he felt too old to be having a baby. We both laughed but also understood what he actually meant. We have a toddler, and this newborn stage seems like a distant memory. Something of the past except that it’s also our very near future too.
We were so clueless about being parents like every new parent. Nothing can prepare you for parenthood. Nothing. Every child and family is different, so it’s a guessing game to find what works. We’ve been so nervous because we feel like it’s the same thing with adding another child into the mix. Full of unexpected twists and new problems along with amazing memories and heart melting emotions.
There’s also the fear that I’ve been battling the entire pregnancy. What if something goes wrong? That fear wasn’t as strong when I had Ramona. Don’t get me wrong I was terrified of the childbirth part, but the fear this time is different. Maybe we are just more knowledgeable now about what can go wrong. Maybe our previous miscarriage woke us up to pregnancy risks. Maybe it’s the crazy stage of life we are at now especially with regards to our living situation. I can’t say for sure, but it’s been a very anxious pregnancy.
I denied all the testing to find abnormalities in utero. Mainly because it wasn’t going to make a difference. This baby will be given to us exactly how he/she should be. I figure the last thing anyone needs is something to fret about when there is no changing the situation anyway. I denied the tests with Ramona too.
We are also nervous about how a new baby will change the current family dynamic. Ramona has been it for 4 years. She is used to constant attention and immediate responses. She is so excited to be a big sister. She has wanted to be one for over a year now, but she’s 4. She doesn’t really understand what bringing a baby home means. We both want her to feel just as loved because I know our love for her won’t change or diminish just because we have another child.
Every thing I’ve ever read about having a second child is that your love just doubles. It’s not split. It’s multiplied. (I also selfishly hope this is true because Nick and I are both second children.) It’s difficult to imagine having the capability to love more but then I realize we already do. This baby has been much anticipated, and we most assuredly are anxiously waiting.
Despite all the fears and no matter what, we are so excited to meet this baby on Sunday. We know that even if there is sibling difficulty paired with the lack of sleep and general newborn haze it will be completely worth it. We are so blessed even if somedays we need a reminder.
Can’t wait to meet Baby Wills and become a family of 4. No matter how surreal it feels right now.
Photos by J. Noel Photography in Austin, TX